APRIL 5 | On life and loss

10 years and 364 days ago, my clothes were whiter. My hair was a little less messier, my room was cleaner, my shoes and books were organized, my breakfast was prepared, and life was a lot more easier. Those were tangible things. But more than that, i was just nothing but glad to see her every single day. To call her anytime i want to. To let her read my letters and songs and poems. To look at the stars with her. Those times, I was hugged. I was cared. I was loved. I had a secret keeper. I had a best friend. I had Mama.

11 years ago today, i received a call. Then my life changed forever. I miss her. The way i sleep beside her. Her smell. Her fat belly. Her hair. Her hands. Just everything. Before, i was so annoyed that she always seemed to know whenever i'm keeping a secret. Like those typical crushes and hearbreaks. She always sensed something is wrong. But now when i think about it, it's sadder that she's not around anymore. That no one knows if i'm OK even without asking. For some, i may looked like a selfish brat who is just sad and miserable because no one's doing THOSE things for me anymore, but really, i just miss her. Everyday. How comfortable and easy and happier life was when she was around.

Mama, you're the most amazing person ever. I can never repay you for all the things you've done for me. But i will try to live my life the way you would want it. The way you have lived yours. Thank you, for being my number one inspiration, motivator, and believer. Thank you for being the best MOM i could ever ask for.

I love you. Please let me see you in my dreams.